Avoiding housework

Supper is almost made (it's in the slow cooker and I just need to make rice later on).  Some squares are in the frig.  I've done my Denise Austin dance workout (very funny but I did work up a sweat) and also done some book ordering for Attic Therapy.  This week has been an intense business week of setting directions and figuring out what is possible and what is not.  There are a lot of paths I could take and each one is intriguing in its own way but the cold hard fist of reality has me by the scruff of the neck and the above mentioned activities do still need to get done on a semi-regular basis.  Not to mention laundry and vacuuming which at the moment I am avoiding by writing here. I constantly struggle for moderation in everything I do and that generally means (wait for it, any OT's out there!) structure structure structure.  If I must do things on a daily basis and if there is a time set aside for them to be done and a place and materials ready . . . they still may not get done.  But at least I do not have an excuse.

This brings me to the whole issue of friendship.  It would be great to be able to be friends the way I used to be - those lovely years when I lived on my own with great roommates in a city far from my parents so I didn't feel responsible for their feelings . .  but also I didn't have any real responsibilities.  Except getting through university but of course you can always cut a class or miss a night of sleep and make things work.  Life was a lot more malleable back then.  It totally suited me.  I felt really close to a lot of people, each in a unique way.  There were chances to do tons of interesting and widely diverse things with other people and still stick to a student's budget of about $400 a month.  Not no more.  No sir.

Last night the kids made us pull out our wedding album.  Wow.  Lots of pictures of people I haven't seen literally since that day.  After our wedding we moved directly to PA where we knew absolutely no one and started completely new jobs and lives together.  While our marriage has I think mostly recovered from that shock, my ability to have deep and meaningful friendships has not. 

For one thing, I am now scared of commitment.  I'm not good at day to day structured contact.  I much prefer one all night conversation plumbing the depths of emotional reality to mundane phone calls and "coffees" together on a weekly basis.  However, I think (at least I'm coming to think) that relationships, like velcro, are made of hundreds of tiny points of contact.  Not one giant piece of sticky tape.  For another thing, who should I be friends with?  My life is so weird and I fit loosely and not well into so many categories that there is no one group of people that calls to me as a group I will fit in well with.  I am acquaintances with lots of people I like and admire.  But to take it to the next step - I'm somewhat at a loss.  Thus the blogging.  It's one way I can explain myself at my own rate and possibly someone else may be able to meet me occasionally - hopefully in person occasionally but also in ideas and ideals and mundane information day to day.  Wow.  This sounds like a really bad personals ad.  How did I get here?  Again, moderation, Lynn. :) 

On a lighter note, Dan was able to trim Jetta's hooves this weekend with absolutely excellent behaviour on her part.  We have been working on that for the last year and so I was proud of her.  It was necessary too as she had chipped a gouge the size of a good sized cookie out of the left fore.  I don't know how that can't hurt but she seemed okay with it.  I was contemplating riding her out this week but then it got way cold again.  However I did get an actual run in as some kind stranger has plowed the railway tracks for a logging road presumably and it's possible to run quite a ways.  That was the other day when it was only -4.  Very encouraging.

Okay, time to vacuum.