booklist

I just read The Shack. It was one of those books. Past the head and straight to the heart. Very truthful that way. Much recommended. Just have Kleenex.

Other books that have really been important to me . . . no particular order and I'm forgetting a lot:

George MacDonald's "Princess" books

C.S. Lewis - anything at all, but I've read the Narnia series at least 50 times

Tolkien (of course)

Lullabies for Little Criminals

One Child

Jane Eyre

Schuyler's Monster

This Present Darkness

some book in my elementary school that was about a child who lived with badgers for a year (I think now he must have been autistic, but I don't think that was mentioned)

A Wrinkle in Time (the whole series)

Magic by the Lake

Exodus (by Leon Uris)

Calvin and Hobbes

L'Abri

God's Smuggler

Something More

The Hiding Place

The "Jungle Doctor" series

Star of Light

John Lyons on Horses

To Kill a Mockingbird

The Little Drummer Girl

I'll probably add to this list as I think of other books. These aren't my "favourite" books. That's another list. These are the ones that have clicked pieces in me that helped make me who I am. Just a little idealistic but I hope that never changes.

Ode to Labour Day camping.

My kids are hilarious. Hilarious. I don't know whether to laugh or beat my head against the nearest picnic table but there you go. They do lighten up the soundtrack quite a bit. This weekend we took them camping to Waskesiu for a couple of nights. It was hot all last week - really hot - and it was supposed to be hot on the weekend but it wasn't. Now we're back to school/work and it's hot again. Go figure. Anyway, we took them camping in our minimalist style, all 5 of us crammed into the Camry that was much bigger a few years ago when Seth wasn't taller than me. They sat on blankets and pillows and we all carried stuff in our laps and we brought exactly enough food to last for most of the w/e and no more. Certainly no camping chairs. We had a great time. Levi could not keep away from the fire and explored all its properties despite frequent reminders to not walk around the forest with a burning torch. He honestly had a hard time remembering that one. Heidi had some true Heidi moments. She tends to be at least a beat and a half behind the conversation and says "What?" a lot even though her hearing is fine. At one point she tuned in while we were alternately talking about stopping to look at some tamaracks and stopping to get some Kleenex from the trunk for Seth who was quite runny-nosed. She panicked and yelled out "What?! We have to blow our noses on TAMARACKS?!!"

We had to give Levi a serious spitting lesson too. Because of the bears of course you can't go around spitting toothpaste into the forest. So we instructed the kids to spit in the fire. Levi did so enthusiastically that he sprayed toothpaste all over the bannock baking in plain sight on the grate of the fire. We didn't really enjoy the clean minty bannock taste.

Seth spent as much time as possible splitting wood with our extremely heavy duty welded metal splitting axe that probably weighs 25 lbs. He felt terribly sorry for the site next to us full of college age "men" who had only a pitiful little hatchet, and at one point went over and offered the use of our real axe. They declined. Probably couldn't have lifted it as it was heavier than a beer bottle. Just kidding. Anyway, Seth has grown up a lot in the last year and this summer has started to feel compassion for us as we parent. It's very sweet but disconcerting when he tries to lighten the load for us by whispering suggestions or restraining comments to the other two who have definitely not yet discovered that corner of empathy. At one point we were eating lunch together and I had this flash of realization that all too soon Seth will be gone. Working or with his own friends or worse yet with a girlfriend, but not part of our tight little circle forever and ever.

All the kids really enjoyed themselves even though it was cloudy and rainy the whole time. We did two hikes. The second one was my idea and against a chorus of protests. See, last year we had a great beach day once. Towards the end of the day, as the wind was picking up I told everyone of my good memories of swimming in Kingsmere Lake on a little deserted beach a short way up the hike to Grey Owl's Cabin. I thought the hike was a few minutes so they trustingly started out after me, all in swimsuits, carrying our towels, wearing sandals and most ominously with absolutely no bug spray on or along. Half an hour later after I had twenty times reassured everyone that it had to be around the next bend, we arrived. We were incredibly hot, sweaty, scratched from the brambles and completely covered in mosquito bites. When we got there the water was lovely (it's a very very shallow part of the lake with great waves to play in) but the horseflies were even more vicious than the mosquitos, if that were possible. Poor Heidi had to use the bathroom (no. 2 of course) and there are absolutely no facilities there as it is basically just a part of a trail. So then we swam, very quickly and mostly to get away from the horseflies. On the way back we were wet and that much more appetizing to the only wildlife that counted. Poor Dan who tastes good to all things insect was just blanketed. We ran the half hour hike back with Dan carrying Heidi most of the way so she wouldn't get left behind for the bears. It was nothing but memorable.

So this time, we were prepared. We wore full apparel over our swimsuits and carried our undies along to change into. We went to the bathroom before. We sprayed ourselves liberally with bugspray, and we wore good shoes. Most importantly, we expected a half hour hike and were not therefore disappointed. When we got to the lake it was great although disappointingly cold and even more rainy than when we left but still great fun. By the time we got back we were tired but nicely hungry for the aforementioned bannock (and stew) supper around a fire. Levi started out saying he had a "really, really bad feeling about this, Mom", but after about 15 minutes said, "I have a really bad feeling about this. So that's better than a really really bad feeling . . ." Thanks, son.

Okay, I have to go back to parenting. My middle child is chattering at me with a tinfoil helmet on and I suppose at some point I should really pay attention. You never know with him.

Happy September!

asthma

It is quite ironic that this spring and summer have been the worst ever for our children and ourselves in terms of upper respiratory function. Our counter is a complete pharmacy sporting multiple puffers, nasal mists, antibiotics all with completely different regimes (it is so clear which doctors have kids and which do not, yet) as well as antihistamines and decongestants and of course hundreds and hundreds of used Kleenex that bloom like perennials no matter how ruthlessly they are harvested.

One of the major reasons we pushed through last summer and moving into a brand new trailer of terrible workmanship albeit much more counter space, was Levi's asthma and our fear that our old trailer which was truly very very old and decrepit and starting to take on lives of its own . . . was contributing to his difficulties with frequent and prolonged chest infections. Well, this summer on July 23 we all celebrated as the old trailer was moved away, rumbling up the driveway whence it had come rumbling down only 14 years ago. At about this time all the kids became sick and just continued to get sicker.

Granted, it has been a very wonky summer weather-wise and the docs all agree that there is more asthma around because it's so wet and hot and cold and dry and humid. However, all three kids suddenly flaring up and not being able to run for a month or more and having constantly runny noses seems like major allergies to me and that leaves living in the country with trees and horses and flowers and bugs - none of which seems reasonable to give up. Anyway, now after the whole summer of being the sole healthy survivor I am feeling the dreaded furry sore throat and my voice is just about totally gone. Great. I am so sick of sickness I could scream. Except of course I can only kind of croak.

Anyway, that is the major reason for the scarcity of posts this summer. It hasn't been as cheery as I would have liked. Not to say it's been bad. Kids are incredibly resilient and for the most part have been very unaware of exactly how sick they are, only melting down occasionally at bedtime and reading a bit more than I would expect for a typical summer. I have been doggedly working through my various responsibilities and gardening when I can and playing with the horses when I can as well. Seth is now able to take Chess and just go explore the forest. That's great. Bluejay continues to be sadly neglected and I have done very little with Jetta except lots of groundwork to drive home the speed control issues she was having - as in, I control the speed. They are mostly employed cutting the grass which they do exceptionally well.

So, now that I've caught you up on our exciting lives, I will go and attempt to harvest Swiss Chard whilst looking after six kids as our neighbours are dropping theirs off for the afternoon. On a rainy afternoon. I'm thinking the kids' rooms will need the services of Dan's Bobcat by this evening!

What a month

Just had the most fantastic time(s) with my side of the family - all my three brothers and their entire families as well as my parents. I am so blessed with my family, and I feel more than ever how much thought and care and prayer and love my parents put into our lives and how it is paying back now. As an aside, nothing says summer at our place like a good mud fight. However, there wasn't exactly informed consent in this case. Our boys asked if they could roll in the mud and we said yes. What they did not realize was that they were not under any circumstances going to make it into the nice hot showers like that. Nope, it was the ice cold hose for them. Poor little guys. Connor was the bravest. I think that Levi was close to tears but he manfully resisted. It had shades of Guantanamo Bay as it was not one of the few truly hot days we have experienced . . . anyway, it was fun when the picture was taken!

All this was tempered by the sudden and unexpected "stumbling into heaven" of my brother Dave's father in law - Art Budd. He fell 20 feet from a ladder and just like that, an incredible person went to be with God. My first impression when I got the call was wow, I forgot that people die. It shouldn't be allowed. You're going along trying to keep up with the laundry and the toilet paper and planning for a camping trip and irritated at gas prices and your spouse for forgetting to get toilet paper, and then all of a sudden, you remember that we are mortal - so dangerously so. It was a shock that is going to reverberate for a long time as Art was intricately bound up in many projects, not the least being Dave and Deb's log house that needs to be weatherproofed at least by this fall. Of course the projects did not define Art - but his incredible presence was most felt in hard work for his family - at least that was my impression looking in. Dan was more in tune with Art and his Budd work ethic as it is remarkably similar to the Lundell work ethic and expectations for a reasonable day's achievements. Very practical in their expressions of love and so every practical job will cause his family to miss him in a painfully tactile way for a very long time.

This tragedy happened just before our semi-annual Waskesiu Block (and Lundell) gathering and so we were able to all be with Dave and Deb and their kids first for the Memorial Service in Saskatoon, and then for a day later on at the lake. Lots of emotions.

Meanwhile, when we got the news we were waiting for Tim and Cheryl and their four kids, the youngest whom we had never met! to arrive at our place for a few precious days after two years of being 2 provinces away. So that was a wonderful time up to and including the service and going to meet everyone at Beaver Glen in Waskesiu. I can't really describe my feelings about all my brothers and their wives and kids - there is so much big sister in me still that I get choked up every time I see them which is so seldom as we are all so far apart and truly in the busiest seasons of our lives. I am proud and protective and bossy and mother-hennish and also just drinking in all the wonder of the little lives growing up around our knees and waists and shoulders and now head heights! So marvelous! I am so lucky in the sisters in law that my brothers chose and have committed to. They are all such incredible women and I admire, like, enjoy and also can just relax around them. Sisters that I never had to share my room with. :) They are all also doing really hard things and taking on challenges of spirit and muscle in ways that inspire me and encourage me to keep going in my own life, feeling a lot less isolated. Again, so much of what we are enjoying now comes back to the parenting we and the in laws received a generation ago. It is encouraging to stay the course so as to do this all again with our kids as grown-ups.

Now we as a small little family are slowly getting back to normal. We went to a second sort of gathering comprised of house churches - our own, Tim and Cheryl and their kids, and my parents with a few other families from Saskatoon at Smoothstone Lake Lodge. This was a little less like camping as the meals were provided and we slept under roofs but we spent the days outside on the beach with excellent weather. Apparently just south (at least in Saskatoon) it rained all weekend but we had almost hot weather. The point of this weekend was mutual encouragement I think but I must admit I was just selfishly trying to get as much time in with Tim and Cheryl and co. before the inevitable parting for who knows how long.

So, now that the laundry is caught up and the kids have baked another batch of cookies I will have to get back into gear for the rest of the summer where I will be working probably quite a bit. I haven't done anything with the horses for at least 3 weeks and the garden will start to need some attention (especially with the buckets and torrents of rain we got in the last 24 hours). I need to start up an exercise regime again - I never seem to stay in routine for longer than a month if that. Tomorrow is my last day of designated "holidays" and I will have to probably expect to not sleep til 9 every morning. Sigh. It's been a wonderful interval of outdoorsy socializing with great people, and now I need to use the encouragement to get back to work - good work with more great people, but definitely starting earlier than 10 am. Keeping in mind our mortality - amazing our capacity for denial of that. Life is thick like an Oh Henry chocolate bar. Parts of it keep getting stuck in our teeth and we forget what we're doing . . .

Just a touch whiny today

Okay, I think my kids are almost all better.  They are all in school today which is a huge change.  Course there's only 5 days left.  I made porridge as usual for them this morning.  Levi complained also as usual and I told him I did it out of love :).  For which he had no reply except his trademarked disgusted rolling of the eyes.  I also hate porridge as my mother also loved me enough to get up and dazily (she is also not a morning person) do the 5 minutes work to get it together every school day.  However, it is incredibly cheap.  And breakfast cereal is incredibly not.  And our kids are beginning to eat so much that calories per penny matters.  So there you go.  However they and I both know that I am not going to be making porridge in the summer holidays so I will have to either put together some granola on a regular basis (not cheap but a bit more filling) or we need to get chickens and have eggs every am.  I love my cold cereal - it's my ultimate comfort food but with the milk and with how much they can pack in their bowls its ridiculous. 

I always come back to how we should be growing our own food.  Dan and I are stuck in entirely the wrong century.  I would LOVE to have goats and thus have our own milk and lean meat supply to supplement the chickens and the theoretical garden (this is the wrong part of the world to garden let me tell you) and that would save so much money.  Ha.  Of course it wouldn't because the fencing alone is a 6 months supply of Superstore ground beef.  Also, I am getting tireder or maybe just lazier and I don't know if I really am up to the daily chores thing.  I can't offload another entire set of duties on Dan who works way too hard all the time.  And the kids could do it on days they don't go to school but that's it.  Otherwise they get overtired and sick and our whole month is off!   Such as this May and June.   Maybe we should homeschool and then we could at least not have to start the whole day at 6 am which is also something I dislike intensely.  Except we would fill our day up with so many mandatory chores that we would actually have to get up at 5 so that wouldn't work.  

It's pretty hard to live in this century and pay for cell phones and high speed and soccer every day of the week as well as two vehicles and a mortgage . . . and also dream about self-sufficiency and solar power and labour intensive food raising.  "I want it all!" Silly.  Which reminds me that I should do some work - paid money sort of work as well as cleaning up some aspect of this house which is smothering under 3-5 people's used Kleenex.  I hate being practical.  Romantic and idealistic is more me.  Too bad the real world won't cooperate!

Sensory processing and me

Well this is more like it.  It is hot hot hot.  Thunderstorms in the evening and not even windy.  My garden is finally coming up.  The grass is going to seed but at least it isn't brown - just enough rain to keep it alive.  One more full week of school and the last week of soccer, although again Heidi is missing tonight.  She missed going to the Melfort Wave Pool today and yesterday a really fun birthday party as she is struggling with a really bad virus.  She's been sleeping a lot.  This is the third one in a row and it is getting really tiring.  I think there have maybe been two or three days in the last month and a half where all our kids have been in school.  I have been a Mom on duty pretty much full time for a very long time.  Just in time for summer.  At least then I won't have to get up quite as early to get the healthy ones to the bus.  Levi did get antibiotics but no dice for Heidi.  I understand that they're overprescribed but after 6 weeks of being sick . . . come on.  How much school should kids miss?  The fact that Levi was amazingly better within 24 hours of starting his pretty much convinced me that they were the answer.  Course now he is back to his incredibly energetic self and seems even that much more larger than life after being sick and calm for so long.

Dan and I were working together with a child with Attic Therapy and afterwards he questioned why I had paused for such a long time at a certain point, when the child was obviously "frozen".  He felt that at that point it would have been more helpful to give clear directions, but I was waiting for the child to unfreeze and start processing again.  We had a long discussion afterwards which was interesting because it made me realize how "sensory" I am and how not everyone is (including him).  Sensory in that I am very very affected by my environment and often feel that it is "too much" or alternatively that I need more input to stay awake or to deal with information at all coherently.  I can be very controlling of certain parts of my environment and I guess I assumed most people are or would like to be, although I know that he isn't.  He is controlling in other areas of course but things like temperature, lighting, background music or lack thereof, and general "busy-ness" don't really register with him.  For me they are absolutely crucial to how I am able to function.  It often happens (probably once or twice a week) that I begin to shut down just because my brain is too tired to handle all the incoming sensory data and so one by one my sensory systems go "off-line".  It's almost like blacking out in stages. At that point I have to get away (usually just by curling up on the couch and reading or something very calm like that), and I certainly can't be driving!   Anyway, this is such a common occurrence for me that when it happened with that child I knew that the best thing would be to give him time without a lot of information until he came back "to his senses".  Which he did, and you could see him slowly start to register sight, then hearing, then position, then movement, then touch.  Pretty neat.

Most of what I do with kids I do because occupational therapy has an entire language and knowledge base that gives a framework to understand this kind of process.  I learnt the language but the therapy part is extremely intuitive.  OT just taught me why certain things work with me and why I feel pretty certain that a certain thing will work with a kid.  I know because I can look at them and at their eyes and just try to figure out "if I was in that space, what would I do to get myself organized?"  And because I have been in an awful lot of those spaces (disorganized, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, needing to crash into things, needing not to be touched, needing to move, needing not to move and so on) it's usually pretty easy to give them what they need and then get on with the fun stuff. 

My point is that I have been wondering how many other people function like this - constantly fine-tuning the environment around themselves and the people they love to keep it at exactly the right "temperature" for whatever needs to get done.  I find this process very tiring when there are 3 kids and myself and a husband (who isn't picky but sometimes gets his back up about the oddest things - for some reason I can't get into his head at all) to keep track of.  Makes me shut down quite early in the evening even though I am naturally an evening person.  I'd like to know what it would be like to parent without worrying about that stuff all the time.  Is it a lot easier?  Or do you just worry about different things that never occur to me?  Dan would say yes, like all the practical details of life such as closing the door, turning off lights when you leave a room, and remembering your grocery list.  I can never remember that stuff.  

Ah well, now I have to remember to make supper.  Getting fed is a pretty important part of my kids daily sensory routine.

Things I like

(This picture is "Hidden Lake" where all our kids really learned to swim - it used to be deeper).

I like the claw foot tub on our deck full of flowers.  I like John Lyon's training methods for horses.  They are so not stressful.  I like Friday afternoon when the kids come home all tired and I realize I don't have to get up the next morning and make porridge and sign agendas.  I like the colour of leaves against the sky in the morning and I love the look of swallows swooping around our yard in the evening when their tummies light up because the sun is low and syrupy.  I like writing without thinking such as this kind of writing instead of developmental reports describing the results of standardized testing!  I like really good piano playing.  Speaking of which, I really like Keith Green.  I like running when my knees don't hurt.  I like watching water run.  I like getting really dirty and then getting really clean.  I like the smell of horse sweat.  I like it when my house is sort of clean although the process I don't like so much.  I like going on a tear.  I like Nickelback really really loud although that cannot happen around our kids.  I like good boots and old jeans (as anyone who knows me will find obvious).  I like wool socks.  I love ice cream, especially with chocolate and nuts.  I like really well done movies that aren't really about serious topics - like Spiderman (although not the third one, that was awful) and Pirates of the Caribbean (although not the second or third ones - too wierd and dark).  I like talking for hours about feelings and dreams and ideals (except now that I go to bed around 9 that doesn't happen often).  I love sleeping.  I like riding really fast so you feel like you're flying.  I like it when everyone around me is having a really good time and no one is upset about anything.  I like being outside as much as possible and if you're inside having all the windows open.  Even in winter although that's not practical.  I like wood heat.  I like rototilling a lot.  I often rototill too much.  It's probably not even good for the garden but our quackgrass justifies it.  I like it when people are really honest.  I like black humour.  I like it when kids "get" something for the very first time.

I am feeling a lot better now!